Miami Ink

Have you ever watched this show? Eddie and I just love it. Eddie has some tattoos and i don't have any. I have always wanted some, just never got around to it. I could always find something else to spend money on. So i went to the website and applied to be on the show. Shit i didn't think they'd call me. Well Monday i got a phone call and it was the recep. she asked me if i could come down and meet the producers. WHAT!!! HELL YEAH!!! so tonight i am going to meet them. we'll see. i had to lie to my boss, shes not very understanding about certian things, and so i told her i had to go to the gyno. lol. whatever. im pretty nervous, don't know what to expect. hopefully they like me!! whos knows maybe you'll see me on t.v.

ill let you know how it goes. have a good night!

I miss him so much

I can't even begin to tell you guys how much pain I have been in this past week. Today marks it officially one week since he died. I have never felt this strongly about someone before. My mind doesn't stop thinking about him, my every moment swallowed with this nagging feeling of things left unsaid. I only wish I coulda seen him, it had been about 8 months since I saw Sean before Sunday. When I saw him laying there in the casket...It brought tears flowing down my face. Looking at his girlfriend made me feel worse, Tammy was so beside herself. I haven't seen her either in 8 months, the reason is because when I lived there I was really close to Sean and Tammy and they started fighting one night...It got so physical I had to go in there and yell at them to stop. After that night I knew I couldn't see two of my best friends beaten the shit outta each other anymore. I don't do well with physical violence, my parents fought like that my whole life and it is something that really bothers me. So I took the bravest step of my life and asked my parents to move back home. I tried calling Tammy for two weeks after I moved out, left messages but she never called me back so I took it as they didn't want to talk to me. Sometimes I would catch Sean online and we would talk, he told me Tammy wasn't mad at me...But I kept hearing that she was talking shit. After about a month I just stopped trying...Its really hard to just push friends you really care about outta your life. Once I moved into my own apartment, I wanted to start over. It was just me and Eddie and I felt good about that. Whenever I would talk to Sean online he would always be normal with me, something came up once, where I asked him how things were between the two of them, he told me awful, he couldn't take it anymore and that he was moving. He never moved. The two of them have been together so long I guess things just become routine and the fights must get worse. We both found something in each other. He would talk to me about his problems and the things he was feeling and I would tell him the difficulties I felt. There was an undeniable connection...We were so opposite but we thought alike and he could often tell me how I really felt, emotions I didn't even let him know I was feeling. About a month ago when my mom went to jail and my dad just turned his head the other way, Sean was the only person who went over there and yelled at my dad for being such an asshole. My best friend cassie nor her boyfriend said anything and they were the ones with my mom when it happened. Sean made me feel less crazy, and told my dad the things I had been dieing to say myself. We must have spent 2 hours on the phone with each other, and we never talked about anything else. I wish I woulda asked him how everything was, but I didn't. We never just talked as friends, it was all about my parents.....and now.......I regret not saying anything else. im sure he knew how much I cared about him, its just hard that I can't tell him myself. I never expected to lose him so soon, and I can't get over it. I have been pretty depressed this last week and I can't snap outta it unless im lookin at my bosses 1 year old daughter or my friend Ledis' 1 1/2 year old son. They make me forget my own problems and they make me smile. even at home with Eddie im not happy, he notices and I feel bad cuss I know im taking it out on him. I try so hard not to. It'll just take some time I guess....

R.I.P. SEAN

Sean Moore 1/23/1983 - 8/22/06

Gunman enters home, kills man
By Marlene Naanes
South Florida Sun-Sentinel
Posted August 23 2006

A masked gunman walked calmly into an Orleans Street home, passed two women sitting in the living room and fatally shot a 23-year-old man taking a midday nap in a bedroom, police said Tuesday.The gunman shut Sean Moore's bedroom door before shooting him and didn't make eye contact or say anything as he passed the women when he entered or left through the unlocked front door, police said. He was last seen walking away from the home wearing a dark, hooded sweatshirt, a blue bandana over his face, and jeans, police said.Neither Moore's girlfriend, Tammy Mullen, 24, nor her mother, Rita Mullen, were injured. His girlfriend's brother, Thomas Mullen, 20, was asleep in another bedroom. Police spread out over a three-block radius of the home, at 7908 Orleans St., with several dogs, more than 20 investigators and helicopters overhead, but did not find the gunman, who is about 5 feet 9 inches tall and weighs 160 pounds. "We believe it wasn't a random shooting," said police spokesman Bill Robertson. Moore's family was in shock when they found out about the shooting, wondering who would target their son. Moore, who was working at a hurricane shutter installation business, was working toward a license for a better paying and steady job as a commercial machine operator, said his father, George Lopez. He also wanted to marry Mullen, his longtime girlfriend, and have children, Lopez said."He was a cool person, a good friend, all that," said 16-year-old Lewis Ping. "He was like a brother."

I only wish everyone could have had the same connection I had with Sean. He had this energy that radiated thru everyone he met. His big, beautiful, blue eyes was not the only thing that dru me to him. When i first met him, I was dating Billy. He didn't care who I was dating...it coulda been the pope and he still woulda flirted. "come on Debi, lemme take you to my private island" i would always kid back saying..."sure, lets go." he was dating Tammy...for a looong time and we all knew it was only joking. When Billy and I broke up all my friends split apart, Eddie and I went to their house to talk and find relief. We went over there everyday for a year. Tammy and I became close friends and Sean and I developed the same kind of deep friendship. He always stuck up for me, always was there if i needed him, and no questions asked. As we grew closer Tammy and I talked about all of us getting a place together. Sean finally decided to agree to renting, which was something he didn't want to do, he wanted to buy. We looked and looked, couldn't find anything we liked. Finally came across a place that was perfect and we were ready. Cassies mom wanted me outta the house so i asked Tammy if i could live there. They let me and things got closer. I lived there for three months and Tammy and Sean started fighting a lot, Sean would talk to me and tell me he loved her (after all they had been together 7 years) just couldn't take the fighting. Plans fell thru about moving out, Tammy lost her job and they were fighting too much anyhow. After a huge fight between them one night i decided to move back to my parents house, we really didn't talk to much after i left, i thought they didn't wanna talk to me and vice-versa. Sean and i still spoke online almost once a week. Now that hes gone, i don't know what i miss about him most, whether its his eyes, his smile, his goofy laugh that was so contagious, his way of always making me feel good about myself, or the way he loved me and my whole family. I could care less about the things he did to others or why...i knew it then and I still loved him...i know it now and it doesn't matter. He was the only guy I knew that could take words right outta my head, make sense of it and have the balls to say it outloud without me saying a word. I'll miss every single thing about him. I can picture him in my head and hear him talking...I guess you never are ready to lose someone so close to you, especially a friend, but i haven't been able to even sleep without seeing his face in my memories. I pray the person who did this will pay, and i will see you in Heaven Sean, I love you. Before he died him and Tammy were ready to move and start a life outside of Miramar. Things were looking up...and its so sad that they never got to start a family. I will never forget you Sean, you will exist in my heart, forever!

OZZFEST 2006

OZZY! OZZY! OZZY!

OK SO I HAD A GREAT TIME! WHATS BETTER THAN ROCK MUSIC, DRUNK PEOPLE AND GIRLS SHOWING THERE ASSETS? LOL NOTHING! IT WAS REALLY HOT MOST OF THE DAY....BUT WE ARE USED TO THAT HERE IN SOUTH FLORIDA. I GOT SOME SUN, WHICH MY WHITE ASS REALLY NEEDED. IT WAS THE LAST CONCERT FOR OZZFEST SO PEOPLE WERE REALLY GETTIN INTO IT. OZZY COULDN'T MAKE IT, (BOOOO!!!). DISTURBED WAS AWSOME, I THINK THE BEST BAND THERE. SYSTEM OF A DOWN WAS GOOD AS WELL, THEY JUST DIDN'T SEEM AS INTO IT. I HAD HEARD IT WAS THEIR LAST CONCERT TOGETHER FOR AWHILE. SAD.

TODAY, I HAVE NO VOICE AND AM STILL PRETTY HYPE CONSIDERING I GOT IN AT ABOUT 12 LAST NIGHT AND HAD A MONSTER HEAD ACHE. OH WELL, ALREADY LOOKING FOR THE WEEKEND. 5 DAYS AND COUNTING!

my punkin

sooo this is me and my punkin.

I love this guy like i love my ice-cream...and trust me i LOVE ice-cream!!

We actually met in high school(my freshman year, his junior year) and my best friend at the time liked him sooo much. I thought she was crazy, he was very gothic and fucked up most of the time but went along with her and soon he started coming over to her house. She only had a mom that lived at home, but she worked nights so slept most of the day. We had a lot of time to do whatever we wanted. ;) I was at her house a lot as my parents are a lil stressful to be around and i was always looking for a way to get outta the house.

They started to like each other and started foolin around a lil but he was doing awful in school, always skippin class and his parents were sending him to jobcore. He left, I went onto sophomore year and never thought about him again until a year later when i was at a friends house, down the street from my parents, and he walked by. "HI EDDIE!" he looked back and walked over, hugged me, and asked how things were. He mentioned he had a girlfriend and he was moving to Georgia with her. I said goodbye and again went on with my life.

Another year after i had a boyfriend and Eddie came home with his girlfriend, who was pretty far along with his twin boys. Turned out my boyfriend and him were best friends and he started hanging out with us. Me and that guy broke up and i started dating Billy. Billy, Eddie and I became inseparable. (Funny enough i even have a picture of my first boyfriend, Billy, me, and Eddie all standing together with our arms around each other. ::memo to self BURN it!::)

Eddies girlfriend had the boys and we all watched as they started to have serious problems, she was a serious pill head and stole money from him and his parents to contribute to her problem. Eddie eventually got tired of it and moved into Billys apartment. Billy and I were going on our 1st year anniversary and things between us seemed wonderful....Eddie and I were working at my moms job and the rides to work together were becoming filled with deep conversations and laughing out loud. He was my best friend and Billy, him and I were the closest thing to family we'd ever had. Just as Billy started to pull away from me, Eddies girlfriend decided she was moving back to Georgia.

January 2004 brought a hell of a month for us. Billy cheated on me with a mutual friend and Eddies now ex-girlfriend moved with their kids. Eddie moved back into his parents house after she left and we became each others rock. Him there for me and I there for him. We didn't want to start anything so close to our breakups so we waited a couple months to make it "official" but 2-12-04 is our "day" since he had me from that day on.

It'll be 2 years and 7 months tomorrow.

We always communicate, and know each other so well. When we argue its always constructive and when it isn't we see it and stop fighting. There has been some ups and downs but there was something that always brought me back to him. We've been living together since March and couldn't be happier. I don't know why I never saw him as boyfriend material before or why things unraveled the way they did, all I can figure is we both had to go through hardships to be the people we are now and the people we are now are perfect for each other.

Me=hates confrontation, loves unconditionally, shy, smart, has eyes for a big future and lives for friends. Him=has anger issues, loves to love, shy, smart, has eyes for a big future and lives for family.

We have so much in common and at the same time have so many differences but we each love the other as a whole and i wouldn't want to change ONE thing about him...(not even his dumbass babymomma) cuss she gave him his children and I love them as they were my own. We never see them...cussa her....but one day things will be different. My point you ask? I am going to ask him to marry me. I know...I know....YOU are going to ask HIM!?! Yes maam! Why? Because i want him to be by my side as a friend, a lover, and a husband. Hes proven he is everything i want in a man and what else could a lady ask for? I am asking him because he deserves it and it should be me as I was always the one who didn't think it would last. I could never imagine he would be the one to take my heart.

I have been in love, and its not that great. I was madly in love with Billy and he never returned my love. Now, things are different, Billy, Eddie and I are still family, he spends weekends at our apartment and we talk on the phone but when I dated him things were sad and he just didn't want to put effort into a relationship. I may not feel that "crazy in love" feeling with Eddie, but its a REAL relationship. We genuinely love each other and the feelings are recipocated. I don't know many people who have an amazing relationship with their significant other and i know im too lucky. The day will be coming soon, and details will come. I want to get him a ring, but nothing too expensive as it is just an engagement ring....but it'll be masculine. Im leaning towards onyx stone rings. I know he'll like those. Me asking will be a surprise and I am a little nervous but its ok, I am ready and thats all that matters.

WOW that was long...well its Friday and I have Eddie and Billy waiting at home. OZZFEST this Sunday...CAN'T FUCKIN WAIT! its gonna be AWESOME! Billy made sure im the designated driver(BOOO!!!) but someone's gotta look out for the two of them!!! lol....ahhh....TGIF!!!!!

Have a great weekend!

Girl crush

i know i haven't written in a bit, i haven't been able to write a complete blog. anyways...i have this friend that i have known for years, we were best friends in middle school and always stayed in touch. For some reason i have always been jealous of her. I mean its not that i think shes drop dead gorgeous or that she has things i want, in general we are very similar. but this jealousy has always been there. the older i got and more uh....Experienced i got i started to have an attraction towards her. again...never said anything about it, i like men. ive also never been that way with a girl and the whole thing im sure is just a curiosity i have. so all these years and i still haven't gotten over it. at 21 years old.....have my own car, my own apartment, a great job, an amazing boyfriend and still im jealous of her!!! She works at a job she despises, has no boyfriend and is lonely, has no car or a license and still lives at home. yet im still jealous. i really just can't figure it out. its almost unreal to me. im very satisfied with how my life is right now, and honestly im not a jealous person. i don't get mad when my boyfriend and his ex talk, i don't get jealous over my friends getting something i don't have, i am happy for them. yet this girl makes me turn green with envy. ugh.... i have been trying to get her to come see me cuss i haven't seen her in about a year and we keep in touch thru phone calls, i-m's and myspace. we haven't been able to get together because of conflicting work schedules but i swear when i do finally see her ima say something...just lay it out there. (i say that here in the intimacy of my blog but who knows if ill have the balls to say it in front of her) psh prolly not!!! i dunno, i just think 9 years is too long to be jealous and im tired of it....i want FREEDOM dammit and i hope that is what will relieve me of my green monster. ugh...one can only hope. wish me luck.