more like it

So lately i haven't been in the best of moods. i have to say its not just one thing...its all things getting to me. Yesterday I felt ok, better than the rest, yet still there was this feeling of discontent. I know im still grieving for Sean. I think about him alot now. Before he died i thought about him alot, but not nearly as much as i do now. Everyday gets easier.

I don't know why i hold onto things the way i do. Eddie says its just my personality, and i shouldn't get all worked up as if im the only one who feels that way. But this past week has been better. I went to my first club over the weekend. WOO HOO for me! 21 and never been. so im a virgin clubber, its particularly not my scene, im much more of a "watch a good movie, homebody" but i had a great time. I went with my friend Nena, Billy and Eddie.

Eddie had to work on Sat and Billy and I had been home all day deciding where we were going to go. Once we decided on a place, i got directions and geared up to go. It opened at 10 so we were gonna leave at about 9:30. im dressed...in a way i hardly ever dress. backless, titty poppin shirt, skirt and heals. had my hair did..lol....i was READY to go! We left a lil late but managed to get to Nenas house at about 9:45. She wasn't ready...which was no surprise. i have know this girl for 10 years and in all that time i have never seen her on time for anything.

We finally hit the road, all dressed nice, and that never happens. I was so excited i almost couldn't contain myself! We got into the area and started looking for parking. Once we parked, and walked over to the club, i asked the bouncer when they started letting people in. He said 11. ugh... more waiting. So we all stood outside until they were ready. When we got inside it was straight to the bar. Jager bomb please! ;) tasted like shit but well worth it. started feelin a lil tipsy, started dancin a bit...nobody was in there so i tried to keep the ass shaking to a min. until more people were around. i haven't actually danced since i was in middle school. Its been a looooong time. Billy and I went up to the bar for the second time, Fuzzy Navel for me. Another Jager bomb for him. Eddie was our designated driver and Nena really doesn't drink. That second drink did me in, im a lightweight. More people were around and i started dancing, feeling fearless. two hours later, im still danicin in front of Eddie, Nena is gettin hit on by some loser, and Bill is passed out sittin up. He had been back to the bar about 8 more times. He was FFFUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKEEEEEEDDDDDDDDDD up.

Eddie had to work the next mornin so we decided to pack it in and head home.

The "fun" part was trying to get Billy outta the car when we got home.

"COME ON BILL, time to go inside."

"mmmm" was all he could muster.

after about 10 minutes of this he fiiiinally got up. Eddie closed the door and we waited. He just stood there. "COME ON BILL!"

he starts pullin on the handle for the back seat door.

Eddie asked him if he needed something from the car and Billy nodded. So Eddie unlocked the car and Billy sat back down.

UGH! at least 20 min. wasted!

Thank God, it didn't take as long this time. When we got inside, i got him a glass of water and he sat down on the couch.

"you think hes gonna be ok? i asked Eddie.

"sure" all nonchalantly.

i took the water from him, shiiiit im the one thats gonna have to clean it up after he spills it all over the fucking place.

The next morning, when i woke up and walked into the kitchen to get something to drink Billys still right where we left him....fully dressed-sitting up-passed the fuck out.

"WAKE UP!!!!!" i screamed.

he looked at me and said......"what happened? i don't even remember leaving the club?"

i joked, "you don't remember, you picked up this guy while we were there and decided to make him your bitch for the night."

i get the look.

"HELL NO I DIDN'T!!!"

Haha Thats why you shouldn't drink 10 fucking Jager Bombs DEE DEE DEE!

but all in all it was a great night...i can't wait to have more nights like those.