my story

welp, i promised i would tell you what the story is behind the tat im getting. thats the angel that i wanna get....well sorta, they will draw it up and change it as nessesary.

my best friend found out a year ago she has HIV. she got it from her boyfriend. Just a month before, her father passed away, and thats why she had gone to the doctor.

She is like my sister, we have known each other since we were in Elementary school. she was the bad girl and i was the good girl. she would talk and i would turn around holding my finger up to my mouth shhhh-ing at her.

in middle school we were both in band and both played the same instrument. My last name starts with Bu and hers Ca so we almost always got stuck sitting next to each other in class. It wasn't long before we started talking, and she introduced me to her friends. i have always been shy, won't really just start talking to somone, so it was always hard for me to make friends.

We lived right down the street from each other and we needed volunteer hours for school so we decided to do it together at our elementary school. we became inceperable during the summer, waking up at 6 to get to summer school, and were teachers aids until about 10, then cafateria supervisers....(what fun by the way)...then got to leave at 12. we'd hang out the rest of the day at her house or at mine. those were some of the best times of my life.

we were pretty crazy at that age, gettin hyper off of chocolate, tea, soda, pretty much you name it. we laughed so much that summer, and we started an inside joke book, over the years we have like 700 something inside jokes, or funny things that happened or songs that we made up. we also started this story, consisting of all of our friends, basically just a way to have us dating the guys we liked. it wasn't a bad story but we never finished it.

during our years of best friendness, we made pacts with each other, one saying we would be each others maid of honor. one saying we would be the god mother to each others children, and the last one saying if either one of us needed help, we would be there.

During high school, we remained very close, had some fights, but were always best friends. Senior year, when your supposed to be having the time of your life, we chilled with each other and said fuck everybody else. we only had a select few that we hung out with, and two of them, Billy and her boyfriend, had dropped out. so we would skip sometimes and be with them, but usually we would have Billy take us to school and we would take the city bus home. We did everything together.

After graduation, i started working full time and she started working part time. she worked nights and i worked days. we haven't seen each other as much over the past three years. i lived at her house for a year but still we barely saw each other. when i found out about her HIV i was devestated. she called me at work and i will never forget her voice.

"Deb, i have something i need to tell you, but ill wait until you get off of work and ill tell you and mom together."

"WHAT!! um...no you need to tell me right now, what, do you have breast cancer?"

(she had told me she had felt a lump in her breast and thats why i thought she went)

"no.............i am HIV positive."

i had no idea what to say, i was shocked. my sister....my best friend....is going to die

i left work right away and picked her and her boyfriend up, we drove around for an hour just talking and crying, well...me crying. i didn't get over it for months, still it affects me but i have seen her live a strong year and am more optimistic about it now.

the angel is how i feel. i know these things happen for reasons, but how would you feel...my mind instantly went to those pacts we made. is she going to see my wedding or my first child, will she be able to have children now? what am i going to do when shes gone?

i have grown strong....and yet im broken. these things that happen to the people i love most, have effected me in a way i could have never imagined.

people get tattoos for many reasons....mine is special...because its for her. i plan to name my first child after her and if its a boy, it'll be the name she always wanted to name her son.

i love her as blood and if i could i'd go with her...but i know she wants me to live a long life and i will fly with her in heaven.

i love you kiTTie.