Girl crush

i know i haven't written in a bit, i haven't been able to write a complete blog. anyways...i have this friend that i have known for years, we were best friends in middle school and always stayed in touch. For some reason i have always been jealous of her. I mean its not that i think shes drop dead gorgeous or that she has things i want, in general we are very similar. but this jealousy has always been there. the older i got and more uh....Experienced i got i started to have an attraction towards her. again...never said anything about it, i like men. ive also never been that way with a girl and the whole thing im sure is just a curiosity i have. so all these years and i still haven't gotten over it. at 21 years old.....have my own car, my own apartment, a great job, an amazing boyfriend and still im jealous of her!!! She works at a job she despises, has no boyfriend and is lonely, has no car or a license and still lives at home. yet im still jealous. i really just can't figure it out. its almost unreal to me. im very satisfied with how my life is right now, and honestly im not a jealous person. i don't get mad when my boyfriend and his ex talk, i don't get jealous over my friends getting something i don't have, i am happy for them. yet this girl makes me turn green with envy. ugh.... i have been trying to get her to come see me cuss i haven't seen her in about a year and we keep in touch thru phone calls, i-m's and myspace. we haven't been able to get together because of conflicting work schedules but i swear when i do finally see her ima say something...just lay it out there. (i say that here in the intimacy of my blog but who knows if ill have the balls to say it in front of her) psh prolly not!!! i dunno, i just think 9 years is too long to be jealous and im tired of it....i want FREEDOM dammit and i hope that is what will relieve me of my green monster. ugh...one can only hope. wish me luck.