I miss him so much

I can't even begin to tell you guys how much pain I have been in this past week. Today marks it officially one week since he died. I have never felt this strongly about someone before. My mind doesn't stop thinking about him, my every moment swallowed with this nagging feeling of things left unsaid. I only wish I coulda seen him, it had been about 8 months since I saw Sean before Sunday. When I saw him laying there in the casket...It brought tears flowing down my face. Looking at his girlfriend made me feel worse, Tammy was so beside herself. I haven't seen her either in 8 months, the reason is because when I lived there I was really close to Sean and Tammy and they started fighting one night...It got so physical I had to go in there and yell at them to stop. After that night I knew I couldn't see two of my best friends beaten the shit outta each other anymore. I don't do well with physical violence, my parents fought like that my whole life and it is something that really bothers me. So I took the bravest step of my life and asked my parents to move back home. I tried calling Tammy for two weeks after I moved out, left messages but she never called me back so I took it as they didn't want to talk to me. Sometimes I would catch Sean online and we would talk, he told me Tammy wasn't mad at me...But I kept hearing that she was talking shit. After about a month I just stopped trying...Its really hard to just push friends you really care about outta your life. Once I moved into my own apartment, I wanted to start over. It was just me and Eddie and I felt good about that. Whenever I would talk to Sean online he would always be normal with me, something came up once, where I asked him how things were between the two of them, he told me awful, he couldn't take it anymore and that he was moving. He never moved. The two of them have been together so long I guess things just become routine and the fights must get worse. We both found something in each other. He would talk to me about his problems and the things he was feeling and I would tell him the difficulties I felt. There was an undeniable connection...We were so opposite but we thought alike and he could often tell me how I really felt, emotions I didn't even let him know I was feeling. About a month ago when my mom went to jail and my dad just turned his head the other way, Sean was the only person who went over there and yelled at my dad for being such an asshole. My best friend cassie nor her boyfriend said anything and they were the ones with my mom when it happened. Sean made me feel less crazy, and told my dad the things I had been dieing to say myself. We must have spent 2 hours on the phone with each other, and we never talked about anything else. I wish I woulda asked him how everything was, but I didn't. We never just talked as friends, it was all about my parents.....and now.......I regret not saying anything else. im sure he knew how much I cared about him, its just hard that I can't tell him myself. I never expected to lose him so soon, and I can't get over it. I have been pretty depressed this last week and I can't snap outta it unless im lookin at my bosses 1 year old daughter or my friend Ledis' 1 1/2 year old son. They make me forget my own problems and they make me smile. even at home with Eddie im not happy, he notices and I feel bad cuss I know im taking it out on him. I try so hard not to. It'll just take some time I guess....