in the corner!

i know im in trouble, i haven't wrote in sooo long. I didn't mean to forget about you it was just life grabbing me latley.

The Holidays were nice, Eddie went up to see his bubbas before Christmas and it gave me some time alone. Which was horrible, i never EVER want him to leave again. I swear i didn't talk for two whole days straight! it was nice when he came home tho, we didn't want to leave each others side, so i was glad he missed me as much as i missed him.

Christmas went off without one single problem. i really don't think thats happened my whole life!
Usually Christmas is ruined my my mom or dad drinking too much. Still drinking but it wasn't too bad.

i brought in 2007 at home. Eddie and I went to Red Lobster and then to see a movie. We were home at 10 and at 12 said HAPPY NEW YEAR to one another, and that was that.

So the lovely festivities in my life this month will start from here.

We finally find out who killed my best friend Sean. Turns out to be another friend!!

They found the gun in his home and shell caseings in his backyard. Now, i don't know what to think of this just yet. You are innocent until proven guilty but it seems to me thats pretty damn guilty. I really don't understand how you can be a friend and do something like that. I mean, premeditated murder! On top of that, the police can't figure out a motive so its still up in the air. This whole thing has been so hard on me and on everyone else who knew our lil neighborhood. its shocking. we'll see what happens, see what the trial brings us and see if there are any others involved.

ugh....i swear ima write a book!

Turkey Day

i am feeling much better this week. it is Friday and Friday is a glorious day!!! the weather is perfect, clear light blue sky, no clouds and breezy. Best of all....its cool. Here in the "dirty south" the months of November and December feel like heaven for we have had a firey HELL all year. Stressing about the next hurricane to come and destroy parts of your home, gone till JUNE! all we have to worry about now.......Christmas.

you ever notice how they skip Thanksgiving. Everything goes from Halloween-Christmas. Thanksgiving is my FAVORITE holiday. i get to eat all day long, because we always end up at 3-4 houses and have two days off. i LOVE it. i was really looking forward to this years Thanksgiving. Eddies twin boys were supposed to come stay with us for the week. they really don't get to spend any time with their dad cuss their mom lives about 4 hours away and neither have reliable enough cars to take the trip. we were going to rent a car, but it turned out to be so expensive. we had many last efforts, thinking of even....(gasp) taking the train.

but our plans fell thru.

all coming down to money.

i HATE that!

I think i was more excited over it then Eddie was. I cried when i realized it wasn't gonna happen. he said, "don't worry they will be here for Christmas."

just another situation, where i feel helpless. they are not my kids, i have no concrete relationship with them. yet i want to so bad, because they are my loves children.

i am over it for now, just praying they DO actually get to come see us for Christmas.

in other news.....

my best friend "'Kittie" is pregnant.

this would be a VERY wonderful thing under normal circumstances, but have you noticed things in my life are NEVER normal.

she was diagnosed with HIV a year and a half ago.

she has decided to have the baby. why? i couldn't tell you. i strongly disagree. her boyfriend is also HIV positive and there is no guarantee the baby won't be infected.

i do not have the energy to get into it right now, but i'll try to later on today.

SUPER DEBI!!!!!!!!!

i haven't been to work in three days. i would say its a lovely thing not to have to work for three days but im sick. sick and miserable! not really sure what it is but my nose is killing me. It won't make up its mind whether it is runny or stuffy.

im sure im like most people, i hate doing shit when im sick. It could be the simplest task and it seems like lifting an elephant. pleeeease don't ask me to do anything and please don't ask me for anything cuss you will def. see the bitchy side of me.

needless to say, if i don't do it, it won't get done. for instance....dishes?




still sitting there waiting to be washed.

laundry?



overflowing!

i won't even disgust you with the garbage can! (which by the way is Eddies chore anyway)

maybe the house wouldn't bother me so much if i didn't hear from my job 100 times in the past three days. they don't even think to themselves maybe she really doesn't feel well and we should prolly let her get her rest. i have already heard that i have many messages and notes on my desk for when i get back.

seems like the whole world stops functioning and is waiting until i feel better to continue. i asked Eddie today...(because he asked me to go to the store and i told him i didn't want to) what have you done while i have been sick?

his answer......"you didn't ask me to do anything"

ugh..

are you blind....can you not see????????

do you really think its nesassary for me to have to ask you to do the dishes when you can see for yourself that they need to be done? or maybe the fact that you don't have any clean clothes.....that could be a hint.

no no no i am waiting to do the dishes....i am having a contest with the neighbor to see who can have the smellest fucking house. i want you to stink from wearing dirty clothes.

i know men are hopless when it comes to these things and normally it wouldn't get to me as much...but being sick does it for me.

now if only i could harness that power and use it for good! ;]

Bentley

Saturday morning, i wake up at about 10:30. I keep my phone on Silent at night because i don't want to be disturbed by the people who don't realize i actually SLEEP at night. So when i look at my phone i saw 2 voicemails. One was from my father, drunk at 5 in the morning, calling to say he loved me....psh....call me at 1 in the afternoon and tell me that. not at fucking 5 in the morning. mind you he only ever does that when hes fucked up. the other was my co-worker T. The voicemail went something like, "Hey Debi, "B" (my boss/bosses daughter) called me this morning and wants us both to come into work today. "J" (my boss) had to go to the hospital...(i gasped when i heard this) and they want us to go in and help them put together returns. call me back"

uggggggghhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!! i was pissed. who wants to go into work on a Sat. when you really don't have to. I called T back and we bitched for about 10 minutes about going in, we both had things to do and really just wanted to enjoy our days off. I called "B" after i hung up. she answered in a low voice. "im still not feeling real well today."B" was 5 weeks pregnant with her 2nd child and ended up miscarrying. we all were really bummed about it but if your dad was in the hospital and he had 20 or so tax returns to do, don't you think you would try to help him out? not her. she even asked her mom...who does the processing of the tax returns...to come and stay with her. so thats why T and i had to go in. we were PISSED. T stayed for 5 hours, me only three. come Monday, we find out they are all going on vacation for 10 days. grrr....

So needless to say I wasn't a very happy camper on Monday. I spent the whole day in a bad mood. Clients were calling pissed because their returns weren't done and my boss was away. man! was it a bad day.

when i got home, i get a knock on my door. The woman was one of my neighbors. she started pointing to the side of my apartment complex. When i went over there i saw three kittens in a box with a lil food and water. i took the box in front of my house, grabbed a towel and pulled out the kittens. There was a black one and a gray one. the third was dead. After disposing of the dead one, (i almost cried) and the box i checked the others and then brought them inside. I filled up a lil bowl of milk and let them take a couple licks.

I called the humane society but they were closed. I told Eddie, we are gonna have to keep them over night. He was so excited. He looked at me with these big puppy dog eyes. "Can we keep one" uuuuhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!! "Babe, we already have a rabbit and a snake and we aren't supposed to have animals here!"

i gave in. ;)

my friends Ledis and Kevin took the gray kitten and we kept the black one. We figured out they are about three weeks old. You still have to bottle feel them at this age because they are still babies and supposed to be feeding off the mother. Not only that but you have to keep them warm, feed them every 4 hours...including night....and MAKE them go to the bathroom.

it has been an experience ill tell you that. but def. one that i wouldn't trade in! ours is a lil boy. we decided to name him Bentley. I have to tell you............im in love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

more like it

So lately i haven't been in the best of moods. i have to say its not just one thing...its all things getting to me. Yesterday I felt ok, better than the rest, yet still there was this feeling of discontent. I know im still grieving for Sean. I think about him alot now. Before he died i thought about him alot, but not nearly as much as i do now. Everyday gets easier.

I don't know why i hold onto things the way i do. Eddie says its just my personality, and i shouldn't get all worked up as if im the only one who feels that way. But this past week has been better. I went to my first club over the weekend. WOO HOO for me! 21 and never been. so im a virgin clubber, its particularly not my scene, im much more of a "watch a good movie, homebody" but i had a great time. I went with my friend Nena, Billy and Eddie.

Eddie had to work on Sat and Billy and I had been home all day deciding where we were going to go. Once we decided on a place, i got directions and geared up to go. It opened at 10 so we were gonna leave at about 9:30. im dressed...in a way i hardly ever dress. backless, titty poppin shirt, skirt and heals. had my hair did..lol....i was READY to go! We left a lil late but managed to get to Nenas house at about 9:45. She wasn't ready...which was no surprise. i have know this girl for 10 years and in all that time i have never seen her on time for anything.

We finally hit the road, all dressed nice, and that never happens. I was so excited i almost couldn't contain myself! We got into the area and started looking for parking. Once we parked, and walked over to the club, i asked the bouncer when they started letting people in. He said 11. ugh... more waiting. So we all stood outside until they were ready. When we got inside it was straight to the bar. Jager bomb please! ;) tasted like shit but well worth it. started feelin a lil tipsy, started dancin a bit...nobody was in there so i tried to keep the ass shaking to a min. until more people were around. i haven't actually danced since i was in middle school. Its been a looooong time. Billy and I went up to the bar for the second time, Fuzzy Navel for me. Another Jager bomb for him. Eddie was our designated driver and Nena really doesn't drink. That second drink did me in, im a lightweight. More people were around and i started dancing, feeling fearless. two hours later, im still danicin in front of Eddie, Nena is gettin hit on by some loser, and Bill is passed out sittin up. He had been back to the bar about 8 more times. He was FFFUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKEEEEEEDDDDDDDDDD up.

Eddie had to work the next mornin so we decided to pack it in and head home.

The "fun" part was trying to get Billy outta the car when we got home.

"COME ON BILL, time to go inside."

"mmmm" was all he could muster.

after about 10 minutes of this he fiiiinally got up. Eddie closed the door and we waited. He just stood there. "COME ON BILL!"

he starts pullin on the handle for the back seat door.

Eddie asked him if he needed something from the car and Billy nodded. So Eddie unlocked the car and Billy sat back down.

UGH! at least 20 min. wasted!

Thank God, it didn't take as long this time. When we got inside, i got him a glass of water and he sat down on the couch.

"you think hes gonna be ok? i asked Eddie.

"sure" all nonchalantly.

i took the water from him, shiiiit im the one thats gonna have to clean it up after he spills it all over the fucking place.

The next morning, when i woke up and walked into the kitchen to get something to drink Billys still right where we left him....fully dressed-sitting up-passed the fuck out.

"WAKE UP!!!!!" i screamed.

he looked at me and said......"what happened? i don't even remember leaving the club?"

i joked, "you don't remember, you picked up this guy while we were there and decided to make him your bitch for the night."

i get the look.

"HELL NO I DIDN'T!!!"

Haha Thats why you shouldn't drink 10 fucking Jager Bombs DEE DEE DEE!

but all in all it was a great night...i can't wait to have more nights like those.

short n sweet

So i have a headache. its been 4 hours now. cause=Fearless with Jet Li. Good ass movie, ill admit. but as soon as i walked outta the theater....PRESSURE! uhhh! i know it wont go away untill i go to sleep but its one of those headaches that hurts so bad you can't sleep. im on the internet....trying to drown out the sounds of the video game in the next room. Pray for me!

MOODY

I KNOW I HAVEN'T WRITTEN IN AWHILE. HAVEN'T HAD MUCH TO SAY. WHICH IN A WAY IS BOTH A GOOD OR BAD THING. MY HEARTS JUST NOT IN IT. THERE ARE A LOT OF THINGS ON MY MIND.

I MISS SEAN, I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT HIM. ITS TO A POINT NOW WHEN I DON'T THINK ABOUT HIM FOR A LIL WHILE AND THEN IT'LL HIT ME. AND IT HITS ME HARD, WHERE I JUST WANNA CRY. I MISS HIM......I KNOW IT HASN'T BEEN TOO LONG SINCE HE PASSED AND IT WILL TAKE TIME BUT I AM JUST NOT READY TO LET IT GO. I TRY TO ACT OK AROUND MY CO-WORKERS AND AROUND EDDIE. I DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO EXPLAIN MYSELF TO THEM WHEN THEY ASK THAT DREADED QUESTION. "WHATS A MATTER?" UGH....SAME SHIT THATS BEEN THE MATTER.

ON TOP OF THAT, I NEVER WANT TO DO ANY WORK ANYMORE. NEVER. I JUST DON'T WANT TO DO IT, AND THERE ARE DEADLINES I HAVE TO MEET. I WISH I KNEW WHAT THE HELL WAS WRONG WITH ME. I DIDN'T USED TO BE LIKE THIS. I USED TO BE A HARD WORKER AND I CARED ABOUT MY JOB. LATLEY I COULD CARE LESS. MAYBE I NEED A BREAK, A VACATION, SOMETHING BESIDES THIS DAMN ROUTINE.

WHATEVER, IM JUST MOODY. I PROMISE TO WRITE SOMETHING MORE INTERESTING NEXT TIME, I HAVE TONS OF THOUGHTS BUT NOTHING THAT I AM IN THE MOOD TO TALK ABOUT...SO...UNTIL NEXT TIME....