what would you do if you woke up dead?

i know that my title is stupid, cuss you can't wake up if you are dead. today at lunch we were talking about a coworkers sister. the coworker T, is a year older than me and her sister is married and about 28. her sister just had to undergo a DNC to get rid of a twin babies she was pregnant with. they were only 8 weeks and their hearts simply stopped beating. this has happened to her 3 other times in two years. i almost cried when i found out because T's younger sister who is my age is 6 months pregnant and the baby is doing well. what an awful event for her family to go through when having another child about to be born. i often wonder what happens to these babies that are only in the womb. i wonder if God has other plans for them or if its just not their time to enter our world. sometimes i wonder if its a blessing, and others i feel awful about the thought of saying its a blessing. do they die? or are they really never alive to our world and they just are taken by God for His reasons...who really knows...its just one of the mysteries. babies are such miracles when you think about all they and we as women have to go through to get them into the world and then to keep them healthy and safe. my boss has a 1 year old daughter who i just melt over everytime she comes in. i never wanted kids because i have a strange (and by strange i mean not-normal) relationship with my parents and felt like i would do the same to my child. even more the fear of loving them sooo much and then at 13 they hate you and 18 they leave you and then you have no choice but to let go. my brain was very confused until i moved out of my parents house and started in the work force. now i have to say i do want children, not right away, but someday. i know i won't be like my parents because i wouldn't want any child to go through what my brother and i still go through on a daily basis....i can only pray i have everything it takes and will be able to handle the responsibilities....HA i can't even remember to change my oil every 3000 miles....theres a great parent!